They say men are from mars, and women from venus. I don’t know about that, but one thing I’m bloody sure about is, there is a stark difference in how the genders communicate and convey.
And no, I’m not talking about the ‘women are emotional, men are rational’ argument here. I am talking of the regular day-to-day conversations that happen multiple times over the course of a day between a man and a woman.
A very small, but potent relationship-killer, example would be the use of word maybe. Sample this. There is a plan brewing, and it’s tentative. The decision has to be taken by the man. And the man says, maybe we could do this.
What the man is thinking – There is no chance in hell that I can make it. But I cannot spoil her mood right now, so let me just say that I will try to make it. She will understand if the plan doesn’t work out eventually, because at least I tried. *takes a deep breath of relief and goes back to work*
What the woman is thinking – Oh, the plan is on. We’ll do this and this and this when we get there *makes a list in her head*. What if he said maybe, I’m sure he’ll try, and he’ll be able to make it. he just doesn’t want to disappoint me right now, and there is a *slight* chance that he might not be able to make it, but I’m sure he’ll make it. Yayy! *plans out the entire evening in her head*
The above two are different responses to the same maybe, but not one is right, or wrong, for that matter.
Men think that they don’t want to hurt us by saying an outright no, so they rather say it after mellowing it down a bit.
Women think that they have been wronged after built expectations come crashing down, so they rather hear a straight no.
Such a small thing, but a recipe for disaster. So why don’t we eliminate the word maybe from our vocabularies altogether? At least for conversations that demand a definitely! I’m sure it will save a lot of people a lot of frustration and anger.
Men, try it. Say things upfront. We are not that fragile that we cannot take a no. And while we appreciate your concerns about hurting us, you must also understand that hearing a no when expecting a yes is infinitely worse than listening a no when expecting an answer, either yes or no.
Think about it, won’t you? Now don’t say, “maybe”.