I have been wanting to write about this for the longest time, and today seems just the perfect day to do so.
23rd November, 2010. A day, which I had marked in my calendars since months. A day, which I could not wait for. A day, when the most humane person I’ve known in my life would get married. A day, her world would change. A day, which turned out to be as ordinary and as insignificant as any other day.
Yes, the marriage was called-off.
And yes, it is not pitiful. In fact, if anything, it is much the opposite. For, she was the one who called it off.
Yes, a girl who held no expectations from people, was ever willing to adjust, has the sweetest nature one could ever witness, and looks after her own – that very girl called off her own wedding.
I was neither happy, nor sad, when she told me of the cancellation about two months back. I was surprised. Simply surprised.
She is one person who has been my cushion for all matters pertaining to heart. Whether it is a tiny crush or a devouring limerence, a guy who looks hot or a guy who complimented me, a feeling that it’s love or a feeling that I’m loved, everything is reported to her, and her judgement is trusted. For, she puts the head in my heart, sense in my non-sense, and meanings in my mess. When I talk of my high expectations, she tells me of the imperfections. When I talk of the ideal, she tells me of reality. When I talk of what could have been, she tells me of what is and what can be. When I talk of the destination, she tells me of the journey. And above all, she wields a great deal of power over my cynicism. The world looks brighter, more hopeful and more cheerful when she tells me of it.
I’m a hardcore skeptic when it comes to love, relationships and men. For, I perpetually fear that the things I expect of all these three, I can never get. The knowledge of the fleeting human nature doesn’t let me put my guards down. I want my world to be a perfect place, without any problems, disputes and manipulations. And it is not a real world that I dream of. Most often than not, I write off my expectations, impossible to be met. More so, when I see people around me settling down for things/people way below their expectation levels. For, the ideal is not always real. Heck, it is not real, ever or always.
The same thing happened when she got hitched. It was an arranged match. She did not expect much of the boy, and he seemed a nice enough guy to her, to be wanting to spend the rest of her life with him. I was mighty intrigued at the workings of her head and heart, when she told me the age-old ‘you just get to know when it’s for real’.
But then, it was NOT for real. Something was amiss. It was not working out as she had ‘expected’ it to. For, not expecting anything also brings with it a set of expectations, albeit of a different nature altogether. The boy fitted the description of an eligible bachelor almost perfectly, the expectations were not there, there was no ‘problem’, so to speak. Yet, the relationship wasn’t working out. And it was happening with the girl who used to be so hopeful about it all. Oh, the irony!
The incident has left me wondering about the complexity of it all, once again. And I’m back to being a skeptic.
But she still doesn’t fail to tell me that the world is beautiful. That everything happens for the best. That things always end well, and if they don’t, it’s not the end yet. That whatever I expect, I’ll get it, because I deserve it.
And I fervently hope she is right. For her sake, if not mine.